I’m having a stumbling block with the blog-thing–I’m not worthy.
Melodramatic much? I know, but my first thought is “who am I to speak to the Catholic woman experience?” Who am I to share my (admittedly wonky) take on life, Jesus and faith? After all, I know a woman who prays the Divine Chaplet each week with her teens and who goes to midnight Mass on New Year’s Eve. (Not only am I not that holy, but I couldn’t stay up that late. Pitiful on so many levels.)
I’m not that woman. My Catholic education was 70’s era CCD at the local elementary school. My father was not only not Catholic but he was hostile to the Church. My mother was too stressed and preoccupied with life to make faith a large part of her life, though she did take me to Mass and make sure I received the sacraments. I missed a lot of the nuance of Church life growing up and had to be self- taught for the most part. One my biggest regrets is that I didn’t seek out spiritual knowledge earlier; I could have done a much better job instructing my boys.
But in light of the Year of Mercy, I’ve decided to try to be merciful to myself and not look backwards I have two simple (hah!) goals this year: To put Christ first in my mind and my life and to pray more.
So that gets me back to the blog. May God use this platform to put Himself in front of my face and on my heart. And may we have some fun along the way.
It’s a little hard for me to address your blog-worthiness as I am sitting here watching a story on TMZ about Luzianne Gutierrez, a professional party-goer who alleges she was hit in the eye by Chris Brown at one of his after parties. At first glance, this reference does not give me much spiritual gravitas, or does it?
Whenever she gets banned from a party, Gutierrez makes a public accusation of some wrongdoing against a celebrity. This has happened a couple of times. “So is that it for you and after parties?,” the TMZ host queries. “No…each case is different,” Gutierrez mumbled, and then launched into a detailed explanation.
Luzianne still feels called to go to parties, despite opposition. She does not see herself as unworthy. Are we less worthy to be called to God’s after party? I think God meets us where we are and that this feeling of unworthiness can also help save us from self-righteousness. There are other forces at work here, too. It is when we let these feelings of unworthiness stop us from trying something we feel called to do that we may really be under spiritual attack. You are right, this is a great chance to experience mercy and gain courage from it.
Let’s have the humility to learn from Luzianne and her pluckiness to continue on our path, although we face criticism or embarrassment. We are, after all, each different cases. And then there’s that humility thing. More on than later
Stay strong and please let your mercy extend to pummeling me at Words With Friends. Much love,
PS – Please don’t get me started on catechesis in the seventies!!!